Once again, this isn't the post I had planned to write today. Sometimes inspiration has her own plans. In fact, I'm sitting here re-writing it after I accidentally deleted the entire (finished) post right before I tried to publish it. It's one of those Fridays, guys. But I'm excited enough about what inspired me that I'm going to hopefully get it done today!
I had planned to share my "June Goals" with you all (more for my own accountability and inability to get anything done without a physical list...) but as riveting as that sounds, I hope this post will strike a few chords with someone as well.
Speaking of things not going as planned, that is ironically the very topic I was writing about right before I erased it from my hard drive. Maybe I needed to learn the lesson one more time before I shared it with anyone...
But before all of that, as I was brainstorming my list of goals for the month, I came across this quote I shared on Facebook two years ago today (thanks Timehop app...) -
I immediately stopped, slightly overwhelmed and taken right back to where I was two years ago. You see, two years ago today I was around three months pregnant with little E. Very few people knew about it at this point- we were waiting to tell people, afraid of negative reactions. But AJ and I knew. I won't share the whole story here, because I've already done that here and here. I will say that this period of my life felt very much like all the props had fallen out from under me.
Getting pregnant wasn't exactly on my to-do list at that point in my life. But there we were- dealing with the unexpected, like so many situations in life. As Madeleine L'Engle, one of my very favorite authors, so wisely says, these phases reveal what is rock and what is sand in your life. AJ and I both learned that certain people would stand beside you while others slid away like sand under our feet. The rocks kept us going; kept us hoping.
AJ was one of my strongest rocks in this time, one I took for granted often. Unplanned pregnancy is hard for both people- he could have ran from the responsibility of parenthood. But he stayed. And made sure that I knew he would.
Another thing I blog frequently about is living intentionally. I didn't know it at the time, because everything seemed almost like a blur, rushing by me without giving me time to process, but I had to choose to face every day. Despite the excitement and joy of having a baby, there was a lot of doubt and regret. Living intentionally became a reality to me, not just an inspirational phrase. These phases in our life are short, but when you're in the thick place, the unplanned, it feels like an eternity. Making the choice not to run but to embrace is everything.
Like Madeleine says, somehow we find a way to live day to day. We have to.
Maybe all the props are pulled out from under you now. Maybe you're in the thick, unexpected place. To you I would say, hold on, my friend. Find a rock and cling to it- letting the sand, the unimportant, slip by. Live each day, especially the ones you don't want to face, with intention and remember that it is good to have the props pulled. Whether you're facing a life altering phase or you just deleted all of your hard work, choose to live "in the immediate moment", knowing how you respond will shape the moments to come.