Ramblings on Calling
I mentioned in a previous post my lack of real "career aspirations" growing up. I had dreams, don't get me wrong, but most of those dreams strangely didn't include a "normal" 9-5 job. I wanted to write and play music for a living for a long time, mostly because I could do that from home and music has alway been a passion. I wanted to be a ballerina too, but that dream ended with a nasty fall onto a stone fireplace mantle while dancing to my dad's banjo tunes. When I was five. I wanted to be a rodeo queen and a archaeologist and an actress- all the things little girls with big imaginations pretend to be. But as I got older, my dreams were never about one thing I wanted to do when I grew up and my future seemed more foggy.
When I started college I struggled for a long time with choosing a major. I was interested in many, many things- reading, writing, psychology, teaching, music, art, history- but I couldn't picture any of them being my entire life. I love learning, and being in classes, and living the college life. But college is just the normal "next step" after high school, so thats what I did.
I enjoyed all my classes, and did well, but the more I focused in on my English Education major, the fuzzier it seemed in my mind. I'm passionate about teaching, reading, writing and passing on a legacy to the next generation, but somehow being a teacher just didn't feel right in my mind.
Then I got pregnant.
*Disclaimer: I am in no way endorsing random pregnancies as a way to get out of making important career decisions. That's just how it happened to me.*
Now that I'm past all the confusion, doubt, and disappointment that came with my pregnancy and subsequent dropping out of school (for the time being. I have every intention of finishing.), and trust me, there was a lot of it, I can see with absolute clarity that being a mommy to my little E, and a wife to AJ is exactly what I'm supposed to do. The decision not to go back to school right away was not an easy one to make, I cried the day I made it official, but I knew that I needed to devote all my energy to growing a healthy baby, working and then raising her.
Through all these crazy changes, I've decided that maybe your "calling" in life changes as you go. Maybe there isn't one thing everyone is meant to do, but instead, maybe we are called to simply do the best we can in every situation life throws at us. Maybe I will be a teacher someday. Maybe I'll be a musician, or a rodeo queen, or a business woman (though I kind of doubt it). But the one thing I know regardless of what my next "calling" is, I will always be Evie's mommy and AJ's wife and that is something I want to pour all of my energy into for the time being.